Wrestling book review

Today I had nothing, no take on anything whatsoever. So I decided to experiment and just start typing, you know, just see what happens. Stream of conciousness kind of stuff. Well that was the plan until I noticed that Beth Lock suspended the tridiot rating. Man THAT was severely depressing. The tridiot rating is the best part of my post but it’s been put on hiatus for the rest of the tour de France. I know, you’re thinking that it’s just on hiatus for Beth’s entries but you’re wrong. Beth has as much power over the tridiot rating as I do, if she says its gone, its gone. dammit. I guess a few hours spent beating the kid will make me feel better.

Got a mini book review for all you wrestling fans. (What no wrestling fans read this? Oh, no one reads this, got it) I read (and paid for, a rarity) Ric Flair’s new book To Be The Man. I had heard it was full of all kinds of backstage insight and whatnot so I was interested. Jim Ross shilled for it and said it was as good as Mick Foley’s book. I gotta tell you the book sucked more than a flowbee set to mullet. The writing was very uneven (can’t blame Ric for that, he had a ghost writer AND a credited editor) and the stories were all pretty much the same:

One time I was with Rowdy Roddy Piper. Man did we get drunk. Wooooo. And I spent a bunch of money. Wooo

Cause Ric says “Wooo” a lot and all. The book is not without some interest, they managed to get quotes from a lot of folks in the business. The quotes were pretty much fell into one of two categories:
The Ric is so great category
“When I was growing up I idolized Ric Flair, he is the greatest wrestler ever”
OR
the we were so drunk category
I was with Flair once and we got sooooo drunk….

If I ever write a book (yeah right) I’m gonna cut those anecdotes/parise down to one sentence:

Todd is the greatest artist ever, one night we got sooo drunk…Woooo

Cause I like to type “Wooooo” as much as the next guy.

The book is an easy read and he does dog Mick Foley and Brett Hart a little bit but other than that it is immediately forgettable. Too bad because he seems like a genuinely nice guy, does his best for the business, looks out for fellow wrestlers, etc. It could have been a great read but to be the book you’ve got to beat the book (inside joke) and the book to beat is Mick Foley’s Have a Nice Day. Actually the book to beat is Hooker by Lou Thesz but that’s an obscure title (though well done).

So I’ve talked about wrestling and I live in Knoxville. I know what you’re thinking: “Does it bother you if someone walks through the trailer why you’re sleeping?” and “How much of a discount does the dentist give if you can count your teeth on one hand?” HA, ha very funny.

Truth be told I used to love wrestling, I loved it because it WAS fake. I thought it was the purest form of entertainment in the world. People fake fight for your pleasure. The concept is very intriguing, taking something as primal as fighting, fake it and mix in a little soap opera. Honestly, it’s a can’t miss formula… Or so I thought. Wrestling has become unwatchable, or at least I can’t watch it. There aren’t any compelling storylines and the matches look incredibly fake. It’s more like break dancing than fighting and I can only suspend my disbelief so much. If we compare it to magic for a moment the problem becomes more apparent. In magic you saw a lady in half, sure it’s plainly ridiculous, who wants to visit death row for a hundred bucks a night? But the audience is familiar with a saw and can empathize what it might do to the internals of a scantily clad female assistant. Simple formula and all, saw plus guts equals death. On the other hand wrestlers bounce off the ropes, do a summersault then climb the previously bounced ropes, jump, twirl in mid air and slam into their opponent. I appreciate the acrobatics but, jeebus, it’s like ten unneeded steps. If you’re trying to beat the tar out of someone you do it as quickly as possible, people can’t get into all the elaborate setup. We want girl and saw, fist and head.

But that’s just me, everyone criticizes something, everyone thinks they know better (sometimes they’re correct, go Timpublican) like this guy on Apple. Gee, if Macs were cheaper they’d sell more computers, never heard that before. I suppose that Apple has absolutely zero people thinking about this and that column will be the wake up call that Cupertino needed. Or it could be that the infinite loop folks actually study the issue and understand that Mac demand is relatively static. If you really want to increase Mac market share make crappier Macs, Macs that don’t work six years later.

Good Lord, I’ve done it yet again. I tried for a small post and ended up with a huge dose of Chris Seibold. People want that as much as they want scabies. I can’t give you the time back that you wasted reading the drivel but I can give you some links:

Excellent short: Three Card Stud Starts out slow and seems fairly lame but the ending is priceless. If Tim lived close this is the stuff I would try to pull off.

Retro Race Race against classic TV cars. How can you beat that? Sure the gameplay sucks but you race against KITT.

Tridiot rating: Canned by Beth Lock

Todd Long Countdown: 19 days boy, nineteen days