Who do you trust?

There’s a gas station in I go to all the time which is run by an immigrant family from India. I really like these people. They work hard, keep the place clean, and their gas is as cheap as you can get around here. Mike, the head honcho, and his wife have a couple of real cute kids around eight to ten years old. They’re just a normal family, doing normal family stuff. Or so it seems.

Mike has a number of people working for him at any given time. With three stores to run he needs help. Most of his people are family members, some are friends. I’ve met them all at one time or another and they seem okay to me.

This is what gets me. I can’t help but wonder if it’s even possible that one or more of these people are connected in some way to a terrorist organization. I know that’s a totally paranoid thought, seeing as I have absolutely no evidence leading me to that supposition.

But it is also a realistic thought, as well as a racist one. I’m ashamed of myself for thinking this way. Some might say that to think like that these days is quite understandable. How many times have you read where an entire neighborhood is in disbelief that their neighbor “could commit such a heinous crime?” “He was such a nice man.” Many would say that these days we can’t be too careful. There is some truth there. It’s an ugly thought but one that cannot be denied.

My observance of mid eastern people has become suspicion-based. The brainwashing has taken effect and I’m at the very least in Code Beige mode. I had, until the past few years, always looked upon my mid eastern brethren as just that. Brothers. Especially since I come from a nomadic Jewish background. Hey, we Jews understand persecution. We got the big black top coat. But now, when I see any mid easterner, I wonder if they know someone who knows someone who might know someone involved in something, anything, suspicious or subversive.

What scares me is that I can’t be the only one thinking these things. There are probably thousands of folks in this country wondering the same things about these immigrants from all over the world. And if that’s true then it is equally alarming that our government, those who would protect us and our way of life, can be so casual as to let these people run around here free as flies.

But wait! Our government, based on freedom and justice for all, can’t summarily round them all up and ship them to, say, France. It wouldn’t be the American thing to do, although I’d love to see the faces on the French watching several million mid easterners pull into their harbor, demanding to see a waiter. But I digress.

How can we be sure that our immigrant friends amongst us are, in fact, our friends? Is there a way to ensure our confidence in them? I say, where there’s a will there is a way. So I propose an oversight watchdog organization which will determine who our friends are, once and for all.

The Buddies of Americans Act, or BAA, will register each and every immigrant, tourist, and/or visitor from all the countries of the world, except for France since we already know that they hate us. A simple form will ask each respondent to “check the appropriate box.” Friend…yes, or no. Simple and to the point.

All those who say “yes” will be allowed to stay where they are, will receive an apology from the President for disrespecting their integrity, and will garner more aid money for their home country.

Those who say “no” will be asked, “why?” Their country will receive even more aide money than the “yes” group in our feeble attempt to buy their allegiance. And, in a most American humanitarian way, they will all receive a year’s worth of free counseling, and a driver’s license.

Getting all these folks under control won’t be easy. Some will try to skip filling out the questionnaire entirely. Others will cheat. And yes, a few will (gasp) lie. But something must be done to reign in the paranoia. And we are the ones who must take the first steps. Please, contact the leaders of your community, your representatives, and anyone else who will listen to reason. Beseech them to write the legislation we need to implement BAA. Time is running out. And I’m running out of gas.