It’s that time of year once again, the time of year when the weather in New England finally tells you that the summer of 2006 has finally passed into what was. Gone are the sunny, warm days when the daylight lasts until nine o’clock. Gone are the mornings when you have no problem getting out of bed, and heading off to the daily chores with a spring in your step. If you’re a young person, you know all too well that the summer is gone, just when you are thinking it could go on forever. It’s that time of year when you get up in total darkness, and you really, truly don’t feel like getting up at all. We haven’t had a hard frost yet, but that could happen at any time. Some good news there: when we have that first, hard, gotta-scrape-the-windshield frost, it kills off all those pesky mosquitoes, that are carrying all sorts of bizarre, tropical diseases these days. The funny part for most car owners, is the need to use the heat and defroster in the morning, and then having to drive with the windows open, or better yet, the A/C on, in the afternoon. Ergo, you need a heavy jacket or sweater in the morning, but in the late afternoon, you must carry it, as it’s just too warm to wear. I don’t expect you folks in the southern or western states to understand this, but as the oh-so-lovely Shakira might say, ‘But that’s the deal my dear.’ And the snow? Ahh, the snow will come soon enough, much to the delight of TV weather people, who, at this very moment, are probably drinking coffee, Jolt Cola, and Mountain Dew, so they’ll be all stoked up for their winter weather forecasts. I wonder how they sleep? Maybe they don’t.
In seasonal areas such as Cape Cod and Salisbury beach, a few motels and cottage rental places manage to stay open until the end of October, while most have closed and and are now boarded up for the long winter, their owners headed off to Florida for the off-season. (Why they to go Florida, with its plastic women and drug-thugs is beyond me.) In a few weeks, the roads in these seasonal areas will look like something from an old nuclear doomsday movie; not a living soul to be seen, and the occasional pieces of trash blowing up and down the streets. It’s creepy, but in a way, attractive at the same time. Most retail stores are stocked to ceiling with Halloween stuff, and they’ve been that way since just after Labor Day. And is it just me, or is Halloween now more important to adults than it is to kids? Just a random thought, and here are some more:
Speaking of Shakira, I can’t think of anything that would inspire young males to want to learn Spanish more than her. Can you? Attention, high school spanish teachers: hit the malls this weekend, and get some Shakira posters. Put them up around the classroom.
For the political party chiefs of both the Democratic and Republican parties in Massachusetts: Okay, the joke’s over, and it was really funny. You can bring out the real candidates for Governor now. Uh, it is a joke, isn’t it?
Not that it matters, but Dr. Jill Stein, Green Party candidate for Massachusetts Secretary of State is very attractive, in her own way. One thing Jill; the short-bob hair cut doesn’t work for this aging baby boomer male. Grow it back.
Ever think about how much more expensive a college education can possibly get? If you’re the parent of a child born in the last ten years, do you really want to think about it?
Think the conspiracy theorists are onto something, when they predict that gasoline prices will skyrocket again, after mid-term elections? And where did I put my foil hat?
If men truly ran the world: Mini skirts and hot pants would never, ever go out of style again.
We truly live in a great nation. Think about it. Where else could someone with the approximate I.Q. of a doorknob, be able to afford to buy some McDonald’s food, then throw that food from his moving car at cyclists, joggers, and dog walkers? Along the same lines, where else in the world would someone take pumpkins, and toss them from highway overpasses, onto moving cars? (It’s been going on here in Massachusetts.)
Master, I am puzzled: Corona is a very popular beer among college age drinkers. How does a beer that bears a strange resemblance to a urine sample, and is made from lord-knows-what, become so popular?
If men truly ran the world: Workplace cafeterias would serve Sam Adams and Guinness, along with hot wings and sausages, every day.
Memo I seem to have missed: This business with white teenaged males, in white suburban high schools, making those blasted ‘gang signs’ to each other with their hands. I know, I know; ‘You don’t understand their culture’. Puh-Leeze!! I’ve got a sign for you.
Is it just me, or are parents trying to out-do each other with Halloween decorations in the front yard, in the same way they try to out-do each other with the Christmas directions? I don’t know how many giant, inflated Frankensteins I passed today, and there is no way to even guess at the number of plastic ghosts, witches, tombstones, and skeletons are now gracing front lawns in white suburbia. And how come some people don’t leave the Halloween decorations up all year, they same way some people do with Christmas directions?
Memo I seem to have missed: At what point did it become accepted practice to drive your car through a parking lot, the same way you might drive a bumper car at the amusement park? People routinely drive through the parking spaces, across the traffic lanes, and make very quick turns, often at high speeds, and often without signaling. ‘Honda Chicks’ seem to be the queens of this, but right alongside them are young males in SUV’s. And I really wish us New Englanders could have the ‘Severe tire damage’ spikes, used in parking lot entrance and exit ramps in other parts of the country. That would really piss off a lot of these morons. I refer to the ones who seem to take some sort of pleasure in driving their SUVs and Hondas into to parking lot ramps that are clearly marked ‘exit only’. I guess it’s NTMWTD syndrome. (‘Nobody Tells ME What To Do!’)
If men truly ran the world: Every shopping mall would have a giant, two-story Hooters as an anchor store. The other Anchor store would be a Sears. The tool department would occupy one entire floor. This would give men places of their own, while the women could shop all they wanted. Heck, this could even bring about world peace. Women could shop all day, and men would never gripe or moan about going to the mall again.
And if Men truly, absolutely ran the world,,,,,
Summer in New England would just keep going, and going, and going,,,,,,
Onward to Summer ‘˜07.
Leave a Reply
You must be logged in to post a comment.