We Have A Pill For That

(Sultry VO) Take O’RIDE, for the times on the plane or train you can’t have your iPod or iPhone. Take O’RIDE, for the times you have to spend with relatives or friends, and you can’t pull out your MacBook mini. O’RIDE, the side-effect free pill that helps you through all the empty spaces of your life. Now available everywhere, without prescription. Take O’RIDE!

Well, whaddaya think of the commersh, boss?

We will make a billion, Ross!

No, we will make BILLIONS off of this product, boss!

But is it really safe? We don’t want another GENE2 fiasco. That cost us some coin, didn’t it?

O’RIDE is perfectly safe. We still have our own test groups on campus.

(a third voice) But there are side-effects!

Bill, you don’t know that. This is not the time…

What does he mean, Ross? Should I let him speak?

Bill is VP in charge of the test groups. We just disagree about this. It’s not important.

But what is it? Let him talk Ross. I want no surprises now, do I?

Boss, there are no measurable physiological side effects at all. All our tests are good.

(the third voice) That is true, but the people who take O’RIDE have lost their personalities. . .

There is no proof of that, Bill. Why bring it up?

You are right, it is not something measurable, but look at them. They just sit there until we tell them what to do. They have lost their drive to do anything independently on their own. In fact, they only respond to our commersh, if we play one for them.

What does he mean, Ross? That sounds ominous!

Boss, relax. Our test group has 400 people in it, from all walks of life. They just haven’t gone home yet, that’s all. We haven’t been able to get them to leave. Isn’t that right, Bill?

(the third voice) We don’t know what it means yet. No, they haven’t expressed a desire to leave, or to eat, or do go to the bathroom, or anything. They just sit there, waiting for another commersh.

That is not entirely true, Bill. They eat if we give them something, and they go to the bathroom if we tell them to.

Sybil is the only one who left. Her family texted her and told her to come home, so she did. She’s in her car at the guard shack, waiting to be let go.

Well go bring her back, Bill. This is too important to let into the public yet.

What do you mean? What does he mean, Ross?

It means that we have a bunch of freakin ZOMBIES on our hands, boss! They will only do what we tell them to. They will only respond to our messages if we put them in our commercials. We could tell them what to buy, or who to vote for, and they would!

(the third voice) But we are talking about their personalities here! Who are they anymore? It is like they are fully functional and healthy, but they are a blank slate, waiting to be told what to do.

But won’t their families and friends notice? What will they say, Ross?

Don’t worry about it, boss. What if your wife or friend suddenly became compliant to your every request? Would you complain about that? Would you tell anyone else about it?

Ross, we need to study this test group some more. Take half of them off of O’RIDE, and see if they recover. And test the hell out of the others, to see how much they will obey what we tell them to do. Don’t you think we should do that, Ross?

Right, boss. I already thought of all that, and it is being done. The first thing I had them all do was to sign new non-disclosure and new air-tight no responsibility agreements. But none of this will stop tomorrow’s release date. O’RIDE is already sitting on the shelves and our first commersh is ready to be aired tonight on all channels.

But Ross, what if someone complains?

(Ross grins) We have a pill for that.

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