They’ve Got Me PEGGED, BY GUM!!!

The psychological rape has now ended, and in the hazy aftermath I have gained intimate access to the innerworkings of my psyche.

What the hell is he blathering about, you ask?

Very simply: The Personality Test.

I remain confused on exactly why the HR type folks have become obsessed, in a worrisome Branch Davidian sort of OBSESSED manner, with administering these tests. I was minding my own business, and it was slapped upon me: the foulness, asking you to rate yourself on abstract qualities using one of those one to five scales: 1being the LEAST or Strongly disagree, FIVE being the MOST or strongly agree sort of fuzzy logic mumbo jumbo.

I decided that my duty here required a little data skewing. Easy enough. Method to the madness – Fill in the first little circle with honest-to-god truthfullness. Then fill in the next four questions in each block to create little patterns, zig-zags, parallel lines, whatever.

End result: They generated some kind of 20-page garbled report that cross-referenced the interpersonal dynamics for EVERY person in our division. I don’t think so much has been made of so little initial information since the days of Stalingrad.

Nevertheless, here I be typified; I’m told that this sums me up in one tiny ziplock baggie, so here’s all you need to know to see how I tick:

Of course, during the explanation sermon conducted by the polite and ultra-happy HR staff (for about an hour methinks) I decided that it’s my profile, so it’s MY blessed right to decipher this jibberish. But instead I only sketched out this:

There must be a DEEPER meaning here, I can smell it.