Ahh! Doest thou dare mention the Fated, some say Ill Fated, Mouse of the One Button! The very scourge of our fabled and legendary Pirate Kingdom of the fair white iMacs and platinum PowerMacs!
It beggars the imagination and reels the mind of sound men who secretly wonder in the dark courses of night, whence camest such a sour device as that ancient One Button Mouse, with its blocky yellowed gray shape, and its sordid little ick-gathering rubber ball of the stuttering Cursers.
One could lose himself in deep thoughts of why such a thing lived so long, connected as it were to such a marvelous and magical Macintosh computer! And wonder where, deep in the bowels of the vast caverns under the fair land of Cupertino, the beastly mouse would at the last, bring forth a sleek glassy black beauty of a mouse-child of itself, repleat with digital red laser, but alas (!) still cursed with only One Button!
For even now the best of Mac Users, the Noteworthy, the Landed, and the Wealthy of us, stealthily skulk ere haply to our Frys of the Electronics or to the tiny green back doors of Service Delivery of some vast anonymous Warehouse of PC Appliances to purchase unnoticed a real Two Button Mouse of the USB, for our most cherished and beloved Macintoshes.
We do it not for King and Country, but for ourselves, wretched souls that we are!
For it fie will instantly give that sweet, exalted, extra bit of freedom to an already liberating and empowering Computing Experience, unfelt by the hounded and harried Masses of The Windowed and Grey PC Users, though they all have the decadent luxury of Two and Three Buttoned Mouses!
Alas! Weep for the fabled and gifted Graphics and Publications Users, the genius Developers, and those legendary Creators of Films, Music, and Animations! For all we Mac Users, even the most common of us, secretly weep and silently, patiently wait upon the coming Day ‘ere every new beloved Macintosh shall be sold complete with its own Two Buttoned Mouse with a Scroll Wheel!
And thus shall end the secret ancient Curse of the One Button Mouse that some early sorcerer surely must have placed upon us all!
Fare thee well,
The Old Historian and Wizard, Roger
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