The Eggstractor

OK, like CS said, Tuesday night really doesn’t have much teevee from which to select.

So, me and Ian passed up Game Show Network and Larry King Live and settled on the last half of “The Birdcage” on WGN. And we’re eating dinner (and not the best dinner I ever made) when the commercial for “The Eggstractor” comes on.

Now I don’t know if Ronco® holds the patent for this utterly useless machine. If they don’t, they should. (Even though I own a Ronco® Salad Spinner and I LOVE this plastic hunk of kitchen gadgetry, and in fact, if I were to be a collector of Antiques Roadshow caliber, I would own every thing Ronco® ever made.) (Take a deep breath, Beth, and get to the point.)

OK. The eggstractor. You put your hard boiled egg into this contraption, press down, and IT SHELLS THE EGG FOR YOU! (Only nineteen-ninety-five!!!!!) I mean, flippin’ friggin christ, how hard is it to shell a hard boiled egg? Then you gotta find a place to store gadget this in your kitchen? (And WASH it?)

OK, OK…(deep breath)…I’m fine. Really! I’m OK. Really.

I guess in about six months I’ll find an Eggstractor® at the local thrift store for twenty five cents or so. I’ll probably buy it. And store it beside my banana slicer. Yeah, somebody invented a plastic banana slicer. Really! I’m serious!

No matter where you are in the world, you can probably hear my heavy sigh.

Not that there is anything wrong with ingenuity. Still and all…a plastic banana slicer and a plastic egg sheller? I mean, have everyone’s arms become weak?

OK, I’ll stop now. Promise. (fingers and toes crossed.)