I’ll admit I used to use SETI or rather SETI used to use my computer. Sure I knew the concept was fairly stupid but I gave the computer something to do (hey, I paid two grand for the thing, it better be working constantly). Sure I would have rather used it to calculate the square root of three to nth degree (nth being something more precise than a million digits, the first million digits are listed here. effin cool! but passé) But that would entail writing some sort of program or something. So I just stuck with SETI.
I guess a quick primer might be in order for the three people unfamiliar with the machinations of SETI. Basically SETI works thusly: Radio telescopes scan the scan looking for non-naturally occurring radio signals. So if we start seeing alien Jeopardy it’s like *BINGO* a new planet for Ken Jennings to rule. Actually it’s a fair bit more complicated than that, but you get the idea. Anyway once the signals are recorded SETI chops them up into nice units and your computer does the analysis. If you have a lot of people running the data it’s like a really cheap super awesome computer, way better than even an Altair.
Which is fine, I like the concept of distributed computing. The problem with SETI is in the assumptions. First off you’ve got to deal with the whole “Is there life on other planets?” deal. The widely cited but horribly malleable Drake equation provides a clue. Basically (and this is an excersize in making up numbers) you take a bunch of semi randomly chosen parameters and come up with a probability of advanced life existing on a planet besides earth. I’ll save you the trouble of doing the calculation, for the purposes of this post the answer is 100% (actually the chances are really good with even the most modest assumptions).
Okay we’ve assumed intelligent life somewhere out there, it’s not a huge leap (though sometimes one wonders just how much intelligent life there is here) Now the real trouble starts. Reverse the experiment for a moment and imagine you are on Quaalude six and looking at earth. See our planet is 4.5 billion years old. Nice. The earliest civilizations known date back to 2000 B.C.E. This means that some humans have lived in an advanced society for four thousand years. Which is great, a big achievement for all human kind and what not. Of course for the huge majority of those four thousand years, all but 70 or so, you could point a super bad a$$ alien radio telescope at earth and never get a decent signal. Well you wouldn’t get any unusual signal at all, you’d think the earth was devoid of intelligent life. Sure Plato was contemplating, and the pyramids were being built but if you were on another planet using SETI you’d never know because you’d be looking for radio signals and those aren’t being transmitted until the 1900’s. So if you’re on Quaalude six you’ve gotta look at just the right time.
Okay we know it is not enough to be advanced, we’re looking for a very advanced society. A society that depends on radio. And this is a problem, a real bugger. Why assume any other society would use the spectrum? It seems obvious to us but it’s not hard to think of a society that would eschew radio all together. So you’re not really searching for alien life, you’re searching for advanced intelligent life that thinks much like we do. Kind of conceited, much like scanning the radio dial looking for people who think like you do (no problem if you’re a republican, all talk radio seems to be is an endless RNC ad).
Finally suppose you find life out there, not just a slime mold, but real honest to goodness life. They’ve got shock jocks, advertisements, heck they’ve even got a version of freebird. What now? I know you’ll ask them for super alien advancements! No you won’t. It turns out space is really big, and by big I mean it could house Rosie O’Donnel, Bill gates billions AND Kobe Bryants ego all at the same time (turns out it already does). That means to talk to the newly found aliens you’re going to have to wait awhile. I think the most likely, nearest place for a radio using planet is some 200 ly away. That means if you send a message right now, say “s’up” it will be 2404 before you get the following message: “nothing, s’up with you?”
And that’s as good as it gets, interstellar travel is completely out of the question, you’ve got the whole speed of light problem and when you’re talking hundreds or thousands light years away…well you’re not going to be sending anyone for a visit.
Wow, that was fun. To the three people who read that leave your address and I’ll send you a dollar by way of apology.
Time for:
Bailey’s area of interest
What’s that? You want to know more about Bailey? I’ve been pointing a radio telescope straight at him but with little luck. I think he had something to do with this
Bailey submitted link (very cool)
Ragdoll
BL/cks tridiot rating: by the time the aliens read it won’t matter anyway
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