A lawyer with his briefcase can steal more than a hundred men with guns.
Mario Puzo.
While in the grocery store, have you ever noticed than men never, ever pull the grocery cart behind them? Women do this all the time. They walk along, one hand on the front of the cart, pulling it along behind them, while their eyes scan the various goods on the shelves. Men never do this. Why is this?
Something I am sick of: being asked did you find everything you were looking for today? by a register clerk in a store. I know, I know, their bosses make them do it, and they are being watched by those not-so-hidden cameras in the ceiling. I’m just wondering what marketing whiz kid thought this was necessary. I’m on my way out of the store, and I want the check-out-and-pay procedure to be as quick as possible. What happens if I respond no, I was looking for the secret of eternal happiness, and I didn’t find it.
At what point did Corona become the beer of choice for the fake ID crowd? Looks like I missed another memo. And whatever happened to Schlitz? Yes kiddies, it’s true: in the early 70’s, Schlitz was the beer to drink, when you wanted to make a total and complete ass out of yourself.
Britney, please, please,,,, get it through those few grey cells that you have,,, It’s over. Go disappear, count your money (or have someone count it for you) and leave the rest of us alone.
You are officially a geezer from New England if you have ever referred to a trip downtown as going downstreet.
Cool movie actor: Gene Hackman. Movie actor that everyone is sick of: Tom Cruise. (Oh come on, you knew where I was going with that.)
So, has the death clock been started for old fashioned telephones? You know, the ones with cords?
Cool TV shows: 24, Prison Break. As for Lost, I hope they keep up the cool story lines, but I’m dubious. Losing Anna Lucia was not good. She’s the type of woman most of us guys would like to have teach us Spanish.
Depressing thoughts Department: We have a nation of newly-minted college graduates who cannot find Iraq on a standard globe. But, I’m sure there’s a Twinkie defense for it.
After a few years in office, Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney still reminds me of Shemp from the Three Stooges. Put him in a suit with enormous lapels, and he could start right in with the Heep-Heep-Heep-Heep.
People who shouldn’t be allowed to vote: Grown adults who set off fireworks in the middle of the night, then threaten anyone who suggests that they should stop it. Add them to the list.
Not that it matters at all, but does anyone really expect that Ken Lay will see the inside of an actual prison cell? And I mean in a real prison, not the place that someone, Jon Stewart perhaps, referred to as white guy jail. (That’s the country club place where they put corporate big shots, and well-connected politicians when they are found guilty of some criminal act that would land anyone else in a real prison.)
I wonder when David Lynch’s next movie is coming out? C’mon Mr. Lynch, your fans are waiting.
How to mess with people’s heads: Leave a copy of Stupid White Men, by Michael Moore. on one end of your coffee table. On the other end, leave a copy of 100 People who are Screwing up America by Bernard Goldberg. Then watch for exploding heads. (Moore clocks in at #1 on Goldberg’s list. He might very well deserve a spot on the list, it’s arguable. But not at the number one position.)
People who shouldn’t be allowed to vote: Those poor souls who willfully spend fifty bucks or more on those lottery scratch tickets, then get all excited and proudly announce that this one is a ten dollar winner!!, when they get one that is indeed a ten dollar winner. The list is getting long.
Depressing thoughts Department: They’re spending how much to send the space shuttle up again? To do what, exactly? Meanwhile, the public education and health care systems in this country are both train wrecks.¦..
You are officially a geezer if you remember when everyone brought peanut butter and jelly sandwiches to school for lunch, and no one was allergic, requiring a special table, separated from everyone who had peanut butter and jelly. Does anyone know what the deal is with this? I mean this bit about a bumper crop of kids being allergic to what was a dietary staple for decades.
Finally, a little note to Anne Coulter. Anne, I know, as do many others, that you make the statements that you make in order to provoke a reaction from some people. So be it. I mean, business is business, and you’re as entitled to make a buck as anyone else. But, for the sake of heterosexual men everywhere, will you please,,,, Eat Something!! The sight of a skeletal woman in a mini and tank top just doesn’t work for me. Surely you’re earning enough money to afford food. Have some pizza. Have some spaghetti. Make that lots of spaghetti. In my best Joan Crawford voice,,, (which probably isn’t very good) No more bony legs and mini skirts,,,EVER!!.
And with this, I wish you all a safe, happy, and fireworks-and-idiots free, Fourth.
Leave a Reply
You must be logged in to post a comment.