Quarterly Earnings Are In – Apple Is Doomed

(Got to make this short. I have to keep moving. They are just a couple of steps behind me.)

As you all know, everyone has been saying that Apple is doomed, and sure to die any time now. Just look at their latest corporate earning report that was released today. The numbers are horrible, of course. What else could they be?

“CUPERTINO, California—July 21, 2009—Apple® today announced financial results for its fiscal 2009 third quarter ended June 27, 2009. The Company posted revenue of $8.34 billion and a net quarterly profit of $1.23 billion, or $1.35 per diluted share. These results compare to revenue of $7.46 billion and net quarterly profit of $1.07 billion, or $1.19 per diluted share, in the year-ago quarter. Gross margin was 36.3 percent, up from 34.8 percent in the year-ago quarter. International sales accounted for 44 percent of the quarter’s revenue. … Apple sold 2.6 million Macintosh® computers during the quarter, representing a four percent unit increase over the year-ago quarter. The Company sold 10.2 million iPods during the quarter, representing a seven percent unit decline from the year-ago quarter. Quarterly iPhones sold were 5.2 million, representing 626 percent unit growth over the year-ago quarter.”

Yep. Seven percent decline. It means they are going down. There is no way they can keep this up, right?

Renowned GIZMODO agrees with this: “Apple just sold more Macs and iPhones than ever before: 3.05 million Macs and 7.4 million iPhones. iPods, doomed that they are, are still dying. But, Steve promises “some really great new products in the pipeline for 2010.” Of course he does. What else can he say?

The ever optimistic COO Tim Cook tried to spin the numbers to show that they are fine and not going under anytime soon. “Apple “feels very good about suiting up against anyone” since they’ve got 85,000 apps. ~ Frankly, I think people are still just trying to catch up with the first iPhone 2 years ago.” But all that means that he is just desperate, and has to say things like that, to cover up the gloom.

GIZMODO continues, “$9.87 billion was the second highest revenue ever, next to last Christmas season. … Mac’s growing 17 percent, while the rest of the market only growing at 2 percent. Laptops are over 74 percent of Macs sold. Desktops are dead … Most educational Macs shipped ever … Half of Macs sold in Apple Stores still sold to first-time Mac buyers. … Snow Leopard upgrade box sales double Leopard’s at release … 10.2 million iPods sold, down from 11 million a year ago (down 8 percent). iPod touch sales were up 100 percent though, showing, again, where the growth is … 50 percent of recent iPod buyers were buying their first iPod. They’ve still got 70 percent of the MP3 player market. … 7.4 million iPhones. Half a billion app downloads (this quarter alone).”

You see, Apple’s desktop lines are dead, and their iPod sales are way down, and besides, do not pay attention to those other numbers. Numbers can mean anything, right?

So its true. Apple is definitely on the way out.

Told you.

Regards,
Herbert P. Zumwalter, Minister of Computing, 4th District.
“No matter what you do, you will never get out of this alive.”
“Conform. We are watching you.”

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