Putting Your Parents To Bed

Thanks from everyone in the Nemo family to readers and friends who sent messages of condolence on the death of Leonard “LENNEM” Nemerovski, my late father. During the two weeks since his passing, I’ve been occupied by helping to get his physical and financial house in order. The grief of permanent loss hasn’t hit me yet.

What has hit me full force is the need for me, you, and everyone else to prepare for our own final departures. Whether your or my last shutdown is next week or next century, there’s a good chance we haven’t yet done nearly enough to organize and simplify in ways that make life better for us while living, and then our eventual passing much more streamlined for loved ones who succeed us.

Get all your investment accounts situated with a manageable number of brokers and financial institutions. Limit your credit and debit cards to a number less than the fingers on one hand, excluding its thumb. Review and address all your credit balances so you sail through life free of unnecessary and unmanageable debt that may be a burden on your successors.

Pay an experienced (and reasonably affordable) estate planning attorney to counsel you on the options available to transfer your assets to people and entities (such as charities) you choose, in accordance with the latest probate and tax laws, and to prepare the necessary documents. Tell your closest siblings or children how to contact your lawyer, and where to find copies of your records. Having an active estate plan will avoid hassles for your successors once you verify that all account holdings are correctly titled.

Try to decide in advance how much heavy duty medical treatment you want to endure in your final days, and, if you can make that determination, set it in writing. Consider hospice palliative care instead of months of hospitalization and clinical agony.

Start now to throw out every piece of paper and article of clothing or other personal effects to determine if it will have no material or historical usefulness for people left behind. Toss out anything that fails the test.

Keep your computer files uncluttered, archived, backed up, and transparently easy to access by an intelligent person who is not you. Gather all passwords into one file or printout that will be found without calling in the FBI, once you are unable to use a computer.

Entire books are written by experts in this topic. Look over these books’ contents at your local library or favorite independent bookseller. Discuss your intended preferences with people who have gone through the process.

Then visit a funeral home and cemetery of your choice and make the essential decisions related to your final resting place. This process will be uncomfortable, but if made now by you, your loved ones won’t need to act in haste while in the midst of their grief. You will save money by taking action during your lifetime, when compared to short-notice expensive arrangements made by relatives who won’t want to appear to be pinching pennies to send you on your final journey.

Each of us copes with grieving in our own unexpected ways. Whether you are numb and incapacitated or upbeat and even-tempered, you will go through the stages of loss. So will I, and so will countless people upon your sudden or lingering death.

My closest younger family members know how to reach my attorney and what to do once I no longer can make coherent decisions. Do yours? How about your parents, grandparents, children, or grandchildren? What could possibly be more important?

I welcome your comments, experiences, and suggestions, posted below in our Article Discussion area.