So, Jericho is not on NBC’s announced fall schedule. Dang, that smarts. Not a bad show, really. Not a great show, but not bad. Although a lot of people really enjoyed it, the numbers just weren’t there. It’s a shame, really. I wasn’t a regular when it came to Jericho. I only tuned in for an episode once in awhile. I had a little problem with the whole neighbor helping neighbor bit. The real America that I see every day is a far cry from a Norman Rockwell painting. In a nation where people get into fist fights because someone cuts off someone else in traffic, I find it hard to believe that everyone would pitch in and help for the common good in a situation such as the one depicted in Jericho. I think people would be much more inclined to riot over the last can of Dinty Moore’s. Of course, that’s just what I think. Feel free to use your freedom to disagree.
It just seems that tv shows that involve intense drama, shows that aren’t silly game shows, reality shows, or half-hour sitcoms, just don’t stand a chance. There are exceptions of course, such as Fox’s Prison Break. Hope they can keep the good writing up on that one. Speaking of writing, I’ve decided to have a go at it once again. So, here are some shows I think would really fly. Are you TV programming big shots listening? (wink-wink)
Mall Life. Comedy-Drama. Set in the year 2035, Americans finally have everything they could possibly want: Not only do they shop at the mall, but they live there as well. Welcome to Westgate, one of the largest of the new Life Complexes in the nation. A huge shopping mall, with two enormous apartment complexes connected to it by tunnels and glass-enclosed walkways. Westgate West is the ultra-luxurious apartment complex, where the rich mall customers live, while Westgate East is where the lower-income folks live. They all work at the mall of course, since mall jobs are about all there are anymore. The massive apartment complexes are built on what was once the Mall’s parking lots. Why not, since very few people own cars anymore, with a gallon of gasoline costing twenty five dollars.
Enjoy the daily laughs, trials and tribulations as the new Americans of the new millennium spend their days shopping, consuming, and working. Series stars John DeLancie as the president of Westgate, Heather Locklear as the general manager of Bloomingdales, Jason Alexander as her nutty-but-efficient jewelry department manager, Jennifer Aniston as the Mall’s head concierge, and Vin Diesel as the head of security. Recurring appearances by John Goodman as the head of maintenance, and Ricki Lake as a Mall customer / resident who keeps trying to return things to Victoria’s Secret, even though she never actually buys anything there. Show also features Paul McCrane in a recurring role as the manager of the two-story Apple store.
The Dark Line. Drama-Horror. Limited run anthology series about a mysterious subway line that is supposed to be shut down, but somehow, isn’t. In each weekly segment, people from all walks of life drift into the abandoned main station, and step aboard a subway car that will take them on a journey that could turn out to be joyous, educational, or terrifying. Tony Todd stars as the Host / Conductor.
In the pilot episode, a petty criminal who has just killed his wife gets his comeuppance, when he boards the train and gets out at a spooky, abandoned seaside amusement park. It’s where his criminal career began years ago, when he stole a wallet for the first time at the age of nine. Justice is served to him, more or less. In the second episode, a vicious corporate raider, who wants profits regardless of the cost, gets a lesson in survival when he gets off the train at a makeshift homeless camp. He learns that there won’t be a train back until you’re ready.
Crusin’ USA. Reality. In a little twist on the old Route 66 show, host Tim Allen cruises around America in a vintage, restored ˜67 Pontiac GTO convertible. ( A Manly man’s car, if ever there was one!) The gimmick is that he will only drive on the old U.S. highway system, staying off the interstate highways altogether. Each week, Tim will cruise into a new town, just to find out what’s going on. In the opener, Tim heads up Route 3 in New Hampshire, and finds himself in the small, sleepy town of Thornton. There, he encounters a woman who has fashioned life-sized busts of all the presidents from hardened lard. Then he visits a grizzled old gent who is building an enormous American flag out of hubcaps he’s collected from potholes on the New Hampshire roads over the past fifty years. Tune in to this great human interest series.
<b?Buried Treasure! Game show. Can you guess the location of the buried treasure? Can you guess what the treasure might be? That’s the excitement of this great new show! Hosted by Gary Owens and Pam Anderson, each episode features contestants drawn at random from the studio audience. Each contestant will have to go digging, (or, in some cases, diving) into a large vat of something, in order to find some buried treasure. It could be anything from Gold bullion to the keys of a brand new exotic car. But, there is a time limit! Who will be the first to find the keys to a brand new Porsche in the bottom of a ten foot high vat of Relish? Who will swim into a huge tank of Molasses to try and find a sealed can that contains a hundred grand in cash? Tune in and see!
Smarty Pants! In a television first, the producers of this innovative series bring you the very first quiz game show, designed for teenaged girls. Hosted by Lindsey Lohan, the questions are on the subjects that this demographic group feels is most important. Answering right means you are popular and cool, but answering wrong, and it’s off to loser land. Sample questions include Who is Paris Dating this week?, and Who is my favorite hair stylist? (From Lindsey herself!) On occasion, a trap question will be asked. Be careful of these ladies! Trap questions will include who is more important, Britney Spears, or Sally Ride? or, Who were the Bronté sisters? (Lindsey is really scratching her head over that one!) Endless fun for teenaged girls!
Spy Cam!Reality show. This innovative series is designed for parents of college age kids. It’s better than a private eye, and cheaper to boot! Mom and dad, don’t believe it when the kids tell you everything is fine, when you suspect it isn’t. Trust our camera! First up, we plant our camera in a local liquor store on Friday night, to see which college kids try to pass a fake ID on the clerk. Little do they know that the clerk is really an undercover police officer. Is one of your kids among the perps? In the next episode, our camera gets planted in a dormitory suite. It’s a typical Saturday night alright, with plenty of loud music, beer bongs, hard liquor, and who knows what else? Hey mom, who’s that blonde on the couch? Is she passed out, or just asleep? Is she yours? Still believe everything is just fine? Tune in, take a look.
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