Mission Fly Control

There are far too many flies in the world, if you ask me. Most of them live in Australia, and, more specifically, in my kitchen. There are so many flies in Australia that we have developed a national gesture called the ‘Australian Salute’ – an automatic flash of the hand across the face to brush away the flies.

Some people have their house windows screened to keep out the flies, mosquitoes and other flying insects. This is only partially effective as the insects cunningly gain entry whenever someone opens a door to go in or out of the house. I don’t like screens. They become extremely dusty, necessitating more housework (or they would, if I did any housework), they interrupt the view, and they inhibit the breezes. Also, the windows in our house require custom-made screens, and they’re too expensive.

But I hate flies too. AND I hate flyspray. So my husband and I began a search for an environmentally friendly way of eradicating the flies.

We tried basil on the kitchen window. That did nothing, though the smell was nice. We tried venus fly-traps and pitcher plants. The venus fly-traps just sat there vegetating … they were too small for our flies, actually. The pitcher plants were pretty, and fun to watch, but they seemed to be content with one fly per day. You’d need a whole forest of them to make a difference.

Then Colin came across this flower decal thingy which promised to attract the flies to walk across its surface and they would then go away and die. For a while it seemed to be fairly effective. For several days there were definitely fewer flies in the kitchen, and we noticed a number of dead flies lying around.

Alas, after a week or so the fly population increased again. Maybe the temporary reduction in numbers just coincided with a run of days when the fly birth rate was down. Or else the flies became immune to the substance. Or learned to avoid the flower. The latter is unlikely … flies, as I’ll demonstrate shortly, are pretty stupid (which makes you wonder about nature, doesn’t it!).

Following on the disappointing performance of the flower, I remembered that some time ago we bought an Envirocare Flycatcher, which we’d never tested. It contained a sachet of green stuff which was supposed to attract the flies into the container, whereupon, it was claimed, they would die in the liquid. I read the instructions on the front of the label, which simply said to mix the green stuff with warm water, without indicating how much. I thought about 2/3 of the container should be enough. Once i’d done this I noticed that the reverse of the label was printed. Ah … more detailed instructions. It seems I should have used only half a cup of water. The label said refills could be obtained in the “place where you bought the flycatcher”. Yeah sure. We couldn’t remember where we bought it, could we!

We decided we might as well give the diluted mixture a go.

That was yesterday, and the flycatcher accounted for 7 flies. This morning there were quite a few more, and judging by the number of flies in the kitchen, there’s been a sharp rise in the birth rate.

Leaving the flycatcher to do its stuff, I went off for my daily play on my Mac. Some hours later, needing to stretch my legs, I sauntered into the kitchen to make a cup of tea and idly wondered how the flycatcher had fared.

Crikey! (I don’t usually say ‘crikey’ but I’m sure that’s what Steve Irwin would have said, and it actually seems appropriate on this occasion). The pretty green liquid was swarming with flies … frantically flying flies, struggling flies, dead flies, sinking flies.

It was fascinating. I called my son, and we watched mesmerised. The sequence is as follows: Flies land on the container, looking curious. They find their way inside, stroll down the side and sip the water. It must taste awful because immediately they fly around in a panic looking for a way out. But flies are stupid, remember. Any fly that would enter a container full of dead and struggling flies clearly hasn’t enough brain to find a way out of said container.

Two dimwit flies conferring about whether or not to enter the container

Shortly, they accidentally land in the water, get their wings wet, then swim around in a frenzy until they tire and eventually drown. After a while the dead flies sink to the bottom.

As I said, fascinating.

The funny thing is that, despite the multitude of flies in the container, there are always 5-7 flies buzzing around the kitchen … about the usual number at any given time, with or without a flycatcher present. (We have a suspicion that the flycatcher is attracting the flies into the kitchen … I suppose that’s why they tell you to hang it outside.)

So the flies-in-the-kitchen problem isn’t solved, but watching the flycatcher at work is a great alternative to TV … without the strong language, sex, and drug references.

I wonder what will happen if I mix the liquid in the proper proportion?

Stay tuned.