Make God Laugh

I was having a conversation with my sister last night and as we usually do, we reminisced about our childhoods and our tyrannical Norwegian tempered (Vikings had NOTHING on our 5’1″ mother, just ask my brother Larry) mother. We also discussed how I managed to stay alive in spite of my now apparent sub-conscious goal to kill myself in increasingly difficult and colorful ways. I came to the conclusion, as I usually do, that God loves my dim-witted hide and has gone to great lengths to keep me breathing.

Now I have broached this subject before in previous articles and blogs without ever going much deeper. I mean, why even ask why God loves you? The mere mention of this should be enough for Him to withdraw His favor because of personal vanity (one of the seven deadly sins I’m led to believe) and for the bearer of said “full-of-himselfness” to be struck by lightning while choking on a chicken bone trying to out-run a 9-foot outraged grizzly bear mother defending her cub, falling off a 1000 foot cliff and while heading for the glass tinged jagged rocks below (because just being jagged wasn’t QUITE good enough) covered with expired bleach, gets hit by an out of control Airbus 380 loaded with illegal fireworks, nuclear waste, and artery clogging cholesterol.

I probably shouldn’t have to say this, but none of that has happened to me yet. I continue breathing and have managed to get through 47 years of self-induced stupidity and not only NOT die, but flourish in spite of myself. This, in and of itself is divine proof without a shadow of a doubt that not only is God real, but He has a delightful sense of humor. There can only be one explanation for my continued existence on this mortal plane, I make God laugh.

If you follow what has been written about God in the past, you know, the whole created the heavens and earth in six days and then watched football (this part isn’t exactly clear to me), you might be left with the impression of white robes and misty clouds with angels singing His praises for all eternity. I can’t (and won’t) speak for God, but I know I would find that dreadfully dull after a millennia or two and I would be looking for some alternative entertainment. Duck-billed platypuses will only take you so far and when you have an entire planet with irrational and illogical human beings, it’s like having an entire TV cable system (I think I’m on channel 4,923,897,122…in HD naturally) filled with reality shows and no annoying Simon to dull the experience.

With all this in mind, I will now give to you all the secrets to a long (not necessarily happy, but long) life. Make God laugh. As usual, there are some rules and the breaking of these rules could lead to the whole falling off a jagged Airbus Grizzly, so pay attention:

1. Do not hurt others if you can help it. Stepping on a rake and bashing yourself in the head is funny. Putting it in someone else’s path so that they do it is not.
2. Do not hurt animals for sport. Hey, at least Ted Nugent eats what he kills.
3. Do nice things for others. Not only may they do nice things for you in return, but this can get you bonus God points for when you break some of the other rules.
4. Get a cat. Why? I just like cats.
5. Go to church or synagog, or mosque if that’s what it takes to get you closer to God. It probably doesn’t but what do I know?
6. Never take yourself so seriously that you can’t find a way to have fun.

That’s pretty much it. Room for at least 4 more rules if someone would like to post them.