In The News Today

IN THE NEWS TODAY  (Source: Rohan News Agency)

The RIAA lost another dozen or so lawsuits today to homeless people and single moms. The courts required the RIAA to cough up LAWYER FEES as well. The RIAA vows to continue to sue every single individual in the country over supposed lost revenue from supposed illegal file sharing.

PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN continue to shoot down SUPERMAN at the box office. Disney, embarrassed by the success, vows to drop the number of usually lousy rotten stinking movies it makes each year from 18 to 8.

MICROSOFT continues to fantasize about making an iPOD KILLER sometime in the future.

PRESIDENT BUSH embarrassed German officials when he asked to see the BERLIN WALL. When informed it had been torn down, he vowed to “get them bad folks responsible for doing that.”

RED BUTTONS joined JUNE ALLYSON and SYD BARRETT in death today. The Oscar Winner was 87. He could not be reached for comment.

ELLEN FEISS, star of the most famous and popular Apple Switch Ad, is starring in a new French movie called “Bed and Breakfast” as one half of a set of newlyweds. The trailer is NOT UP at the APPLE QUICKTIME site.

Next year, it is rumored that the DELL DUDE is going to be in a German U-Boat movie.

INTEL is laying off 1000 managerial positions because of a drop in profits. Smart move to remove the least useful and most expendable hangers-on. In related news, Intel is launching Conroe – Core 2 Duo, Core 2 Extreme. 1.86GHz for $183. 2.93GHz for $999. Available on July 23rd, with deep price cuts on existing processors. Apple customers rejoice.

MYSPACE.COM has recently topped the charts for web site hits, or something.

GOOGLE.COM has lost all its advertising revenue because of evil spambots click fraud, and now must subsist on the mere billions of profits it has in the bank.

ROCKETBOOM Previews new Host Joanne Colan. EEEH. Joanne is nice, but she is no Amanda Congdon.

Apple Computer REMOVED its new EDUCATIONAL iMac from its STORE today, with no notice or explanation. However, the new $899 Educational iMac is still available at the Apple Education site, for educators and teachers. Perhaps it was those 400,000 STUDENTS who ordered the new, cheap iMac that broke the deal. Seems Apple would rather they all buy the more powerful mainstream iMac instead, beginning at the regular $1,299 price point.

Despite rampant rumors from ThinkSecret, MacRumors and others, MYMAC.COM IS NOT publishing a CALENDAR featuring their STAFF in various poses of undress. MyMac.com also denies the persistant rumor that stand-ins would do the posing. Tom Cruise, Matt Damon, Taylor Hicks, Diane Lane and Brad Pitt could not be reached for comment.

Film at 11.

“Eighty is not old. Being old is someone complimenting you on your alligator shoes and you are barefoot.” – Red Buttons