GET OFF THE ROAD!

I am helping a new start-up, and unfortunately, it is not close to my house. So every day I HAVE to drive 50 miles each way through some of the worst traffic in the world, to try and help this start-up be successful, so that eventually, I will be able to retire!

I use to love to drive, and would often get in my car and just drive for the experience of driving. Now, I cannot stand to get behind the wheel! I hate driving! Why? Because all sense of decency is gone from driving. What happens to people when they get behind the wheel is one of the most amazing transformations I have ever witnessed?

The only way I can explain how bad it is here in the Bay Area is to take you on my ride from Oakland to Los Altos as it happened today:

I start off going down the main road from my house. At the bottom of the hill is a STOP sign. Obviously, this means “Slightly Tap On Pedal, because the two cars in front of me simply flash their taillights as they roll without stopping right in front of oncoming cars. Both cars get loud and long honks from the cars they cut off as they roll away. Two LARGE signs say 25 MPH on the road we are entering, and both cars that honked were doing at least 45 MPH! Did I mention that my road enters just before a small hill so you cannot see who is coming?

I make a full stop, its clear, and pull out. From up over the blind hill comes a large SUV traveling over 50 MPH, and as he sees me pulling in, hits his horn and bright lights, but not his brakes. Punching it to prevent from being hit, I look in my mirror to see this giant space station on wheels come right to my bumper, and then I get flipped off! Hmmm, obviously, I did something wrong.

The limit is STILL 25, but I am now doing 35 just to keep from being run over by the SUV, horn still honking, lights still on high, holding 5 inches from my bumper. Did I mention that this is taking place in a school zone now? There are kids ahead crossing the street, so I break, and this jerk passes me across the double yellow line, accelerating towards a cross walk full of kids. Realizing his error, he cuts me off, and then slams on his brakes to make the stop. I, of course, offer my own quick honk for this stop, and again the finger comes out the window. Obviously, I did something wrong!

But it gets better, because 100 feet ahead is a 7/11 store, and this SUV accelerates and then makes a quick right into the store lot, NO SIGNAL, slamming on his breaks to avoid slamming into the parked cars. Ah, late for his morning coffee I suspect. Perhaps he is picking up his Wall Street Journal to read in the car while he drives to work?

I continue to the traffic light at the bottom of the hill and stop for the red light. It turns green, and as I start across the intersection, a car comes flying through the red light from the left. I slam on my breaks to avoid being hit, and this of course signals the 2 people to my right that it is now OK to make a right turn on red, effectively blocking the spot on the other side of the intersection where I would have gone, leaving my ass now stuck out in traffic as the signal turns red again. Of course, the cars wanting to go the other way are now honking at me. One flips me off and yells something out the window as he goes by. Obviously I did something wrong.

As I wait for the traffic to move, the signal goes green again and the cars on the other side of the intersection are obviously not aware of the law that says you wait at the signal until the area across the intersection is clear. Since I am still in the intersection, these people decide pulling to my right is where they will go to clear the intersection. But they pass me in the curb and then pull in front of several cars in front of me, meaning I am going nowhere again! Only 1 mile from home!

I finally make it to the freeway and head down the road. Why is it that old men wearing hats need to drive in the fast lane at 45 MPH, with no intent of EVER pulling into the right lane? Maybe I should ask the two I need to pass on the right in the next 3 miles! I counted at least 15 people this trip hanging in the fast lane, going slower than the speed limit, refusing to pull over to the right. SIGH

2 miles later, this freeway dumps onto the next freeway where two lanes merge into one as they enter the new freeway. Merging as the concept of ‘every other car’ is just lost on so many. As I attempt to merge, the person to my left decides that I am NOT getting in front of her, no way no how, and closes the gap while three other cars pass everyone on the right to cut in at the last moment, causing all the traffic to stop. I fall back, and now the guy behind her is not letting me in either. I pull in anyway, and yo guessed it, I get the finger. Obviously, I have done something wrong!

As I pull into the new freeway, one of the right hand passers is now weaving in and our of traffic, causing every other car to brake to avoid this bozo, which brings the crowded freeway to a near halt. More people try and pass on the right shoulder on the on-ramp.

The next 10 miles go without incident, if you do not count the guy who exited the freeway from the left lane, crossing 4 other lanes, all within 50 feet of the off ramp, and no signal! And I don’t count the 25 or so people who lane change constantly driving at 15 to 30 MPH above the limit, all without signaling as they change lanes. I do not count ones talking on cell phones weaving all over the place, or eating their breakfast while driving, or reading… I also do not count the people who speed up to cut you off when you signal to change lanes. This is all just “normal behavior for drivers these days! No wonder people do not signal!

The next 20 miles are more of the same, no signals, tailgating, cell phone madness, stuffing one’s face, driving too fast or too slowly in the wrong lanes! I feel as if I am driving in a video game!

As I approach the bridge toll plaza, I enter the Fastrak lane. I have a transponder in my car that pays the toll electronically so I do not have to stop. You simply roll though the tollgate and continue. There are at least 10 signs as you approach, including BIG WHITE LETTERS in the lane that say “Fastrak only. So as I approach, the person a half mile in front of me hits the breaks and comes to a dead stop in the tool booth, looking for the person to take his $2. There is no one there, this is a fast track only lane, but there is a sign that says there is a fine of $230 for improper use of this lane. So this guy starts to BACK UP on the freeway. It is one lane, blocked off with dividers for 1/2 mile, so there is no place to back up to! But this guy wants to back up so stops, effectively blocking the lane, and will not move forward. My turn to honk now, as the person behind me now honks at me too. The guy in front of me flips me off. Obviously I have done something wrong. A highway patrol car, pulling up on the right tell this person otherwise, telling him to go through the toll both, and then pulls him over. Damn, sometimes there IS a cop when you need one.

I make it to Los Altos, another 15 miles with more of the usual, back into the video game mode. The only weirdness is the woman putting on makeup at 65 MPH as we cross the bridge, a man shaving with an electric razor in one hand and a coffee in the other, and at least 3 people reading the paper as they drive.

3 blocks from work, again doing 30 on a 25 MPH street, I am tailgated by a BMW who wants me to go faster. I finally signal right to pull into the parking lot, and as I break, the BMW passes me, horn honking, and there it is again, the middle finger extended. Obviously, I have done something wrong.

Oh joy, I get to drive home through even worse traffic later this day. And the return trip is even worse, as for some reason, late afternoon traffic is heavier, and even more idiots hit the road. Obviously, I have done something wrong…I am driving! SIGH!