Do iPhones work in Alabama?

Do iPhones work in Alabama? A guest essay by David Nemerovski

Why Alabama, you ask? The bachelor party was well attended. I think there were 18 guys there total.

Most of the discussion centered around the same stuff we talked about 15 years ago — Michigan football & basketball, golf, sports in general, and each person’s love life. But there were also some different discussion topics because we are older — lots of baby pictures were passed around. Lots of discussion about the economy since there were financial advisors, lawyers, and technology gurus in attendance. And even some discussion of politics, which was interesting. I think it just goes to show that my pals know how and when to have a good time, but in general we are a pretty smart, professional, and successful crew.

Despite being off the beaten path for us, Alabama really is a nice place. It reminded me of Michigan with lots of open, green areas in between small to mid-sized cities. Everyone we met was very friendly and welcoming. I love the southern accent. The University of Alabama campus is beautiful, immaculately clean, well organized, and efficiently run on a football Saturday. Also on a football Saturday at U of Alabama, most male students wear khaki pants, a white shirt, a red tie, and a blue blazer. Most of the female students wear sundresses and look like they are ready for a summer wedding. An Alabama football game is an EVENT, and it was really fun.

Speaking of the Alabama football game, their stadium is really nice. Their fans are great. Their team is really good. But they either do not have a marching band, or they do have a band and I could not hear them which is definitely possible since our seats were closer to the moon than to the football field.

Styles are definitely different in the south, and my crew stuck out like a sore thumb because of our dress code and our hair. Apparently all guys aged 13 to 40 do not wear jeans in Alabama — it’s always khakis all the time. And none of these guys have short hair or use any hair gel. Every single one of them looks like they haven’t gotten a haircut in six months, they just got out of the shower, and they sort of dried their hair but not really.

Current Alabama QB John Parker Wilson shows this haircut, and former Alabama QB Brody Croyle is apparently still rockin’ this look even though he left Alabama for Kansas City several years ago. I cannot stress enough that every single guy that I saw in Alabama has the exact same haircut. It’s weird. But it did lead to a lot of “Where y’all from ‘cause I know y’all ain’t from ‘round here” lines directed at us from the locals.

Going into the trip, my crew did some good natured ribbing of Alabama. Our perception was that Alabama was a state full of people who talked slow and moved slow, so they were likely slow on the uptake with technology. Would our iPhones even work in Alabama? Have they even heard of wi fi? Has the internet made it to Alabama? With guys coming from San Diego, San Francisco, Chicago, Minneapolis, and Detroit, going to Alabama in the deep south felt like going to another world.

Of course, Alabama is part of the United States and is online with current technology. This was a good thing, because technology came in very handy for us. None of us had ever been to Alabama before. Yet we were able to order a catered dinner online Friday night from our laptops. We were able to go out to some clubs Friday night in Birmingham, looking at online reviews on many of the seven iPhones in attendance, navigating roads unknown to us but known to iPhone GPS, and when we weren’t feeling great about the first bar, we googled other bars within walking distance and found one more to our liking. All hail the iPhone!

On Saturday, 18 of us boarded a shuttle bus in Birmingham at 10 a.m. wanting to attend the University of Alabama football game in Tuscaloosa at 2:30 p.m. As I alluded to earlier, none of us had ever been to Alabama before, and it should be noted that 92,000 other people would be attending the game as well. iPhone GPS told us we had to travel about 50 miles to our destination. We ran into some traffic and wanted to stop to get some food, use the bathroom, and replenish our adult beverage supply. Once again, the iPhones provided the necessary information to meet our needs quickly and easily. And despite being on a 15 year old bus with a 20 year old stereo, we had the proper required cables to play music on the bus from our iPhones and iPods. All hail Apple technology!

Overall, we truly could not have survived without iPhone technology. In my mind, the days of AAA maps and stopping to ask for directions are over. Even if you are in a foreign place in the middle of nowhere in say, Alabama, with your iPhone you are always connected to the world and not far from meeting your needs, whatever they may be.

David Nemerovski