I’m not trying to start anything like this on a regular basis, but be warned that I may do this again. Be afraid….be VERY afraid!
1. Two peanuts walk into a bar. One was assalted.
***
2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The barman says “I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything.”
***
3. A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says, “Sorry we don’t serve food in here.”
***
5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says:”A beer for me, and one for the road.”
***
6. Two aerial antennas meet on a roof, fall in love get married. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was brilliant.
***
7. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: “Does this taste funny to you?”
***
8. “Doc, I can’t stop singing ‘The green, green grass of home.'”
“That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome.”
“Is it common?”
“It’s not unusual.”
***
9. Two cows standing next to each other in a field, Daisy says to Dolly “I was artificially inseminated this morning.”
“I don’t believe you,” said Dolly.
“It’s true, no bull!” exclaimed Daisy.
***
10. A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Glad Wrap shorts.
The shrink says, “Well, I can clearly see you’re nuts.”
***
11. Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar.
One says, “I’ve lost my electron.”
The other says, “Are you sure?”
The first replies, “Yes, I’m positive…”
***
12. A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, “My dog’s cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?”
“Well,” says the vet, “let’s have a look at him.” So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says “I’m going to have to put him down.
“What?, just because he’s cross-eyed?”
“No, because he’s really heavy”
***
13. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any.
***
14. I went to a seafood disco rave last week…. and pulled a mussel.
***
15. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.
***
16. What do you call a fish with no eyes? ….A fsh
Leave a Reply
You must be logged in to post a comment.