A trip to the zoo

Today is the day the housekeeper comes. I know what you’re saying: “Housekeeper? But you’re a stay at home parent!” I would agree but I am a very lazy stay at home parent. Hence the need for a housekeeper. Anyway when the housekeeper is here I absolutely need to get out of the house. I can’t imagine standing around all afternoon admitting to my inherent laziness.

It was a nice day so I decided a trip to the zoo was in order. I packed up the kid and his assortment of must have items (diapers, juice, stun gun for misbehavior…I keep it on low) and headed out.

The zoo was packed. Kids running and screaming, mothers and fathers looking as though they’d fallen down a crevasse and hauled themselves back out with only one good leg. I counted all this as a good sign, that’s pretty much how a zoo should look.

Before we could get around to seeing any animals it was time for lunch. A quick trip to the zoo restaurant for a kids meal and coke would fill the bill. Except the trip wasn’t quick, it was an hour long trial of patience. I know zoos run on tight budgets and all but half an hour standing in line to order and another fifteen waiting at the counter for the fifth rate food to arrive? Ridiculous. Stuff like that actually hurts what should be a major profit center because next time we’ll just stop at McDonalds before we hit the Zoo.

Once we ate it was time to look at some of the non local fauna. The meerkats were fairly enthralling for an eighteen month old and the gorillas were in fine form. One juvenile gorilla was very active, heck you might say he was going ape ____, except that he was an ape so that’s what you’d expect. Nate found it the antics very entertaining.

I like the gorillas and the meerkats as much as the next guy but what I really like is looking at “ANIMALS THAT WOULD KILL YOU GIVEN HALF THE CHANCE” Fortunately Knoxville Zoo specializes in large cats. They’ve got your cheetas, lions, tigers etc. So seeing these beasts is no trouble.

Except that the large cats tend to loll around in the high grass and you really can’t get a good look at the things. See, most of them are nocturnal or lazy. Whatever the reason you rarely see the big beasts doing anything besides sleeping.

When I was a kid it wasn’t like this, the beasts were always active. Perhaps they kept them hopped on amphetamines or perhaps they fed them large chunks of dead cow at peak park times. I have a picture somewhere of a big old lion chowing down on a bloody steer leg. Blood covered his muzzle and he looks ferocious. Of course the cage was very small with nowhere to hide and he was probably righteously pissed at the whole set up but as a young boy it made quite an impression (it was the seventies, back then you could buy your own pet monkey from famous barr. Animal care has come a long way).

I wanted my son to have that same feeling of fear/excitement. Face it you’re not going to get that looking at meerkats or Binti the gentle gorilla. (I know they shot a gorilla today after it bit some folks but the wounds weren’t life threatening. If the aforementioned lion had wriggled free when I was lad you’d be talking multiple fatalities)

Since I was determined to get a little ferocious beast action for the kid I planned ahead. We lurked around Ravi’s the white tigers cage until the coast was clear. In the brief moment of privacy I whipped out a photo of Roy printed on heavy glossy photo paper and started screaming “Come get some Ravi, dinners on me” Unfortunately the plan didn’t work. Ravi just kept sleeping and we headed home.

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I don’t give dough to political types, I’m thinking of donating cash to this cause. Moon the Whitehouse

Pick-o-hilarity: Very, VERY, VEEEEEERRRRRRRRYYYYYY funny video