Time travel is easy but addictive. Living is hard but sweet.
Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. Marks was so right (Groucho, not Karl).
Its LONG DAYS. short weeks. LONG MONTHS. short years.
Always remember to take your collector when you time travel. Believe me, you will deeply regret it if you don’t.
Always remember to carry your toothbrush in a pocket. And an extra pair of socks.
Doctor Who’s long coat is a totaly unnecessary item of travel.
Always say thank you, regardless of who it is you thank.
Always keep your cash in your waistband pouch under your belt.
Never carry ID.
Wear no jewelry.
Keep your pockets empty except for change and a cotton hankerchief.
Never wear jeans while time traveling to the past. Nor tee shirts. Black slacks and white dress shirt are mandatory. No polyesters. Cotton only. Black wingtip shoes with shoestrings. No Rebocks. Cotton boxers. No briefs. Wear black socks.
You may find you need a black coat and tie with a gray fedora when you get to the past. These are easily obtained once you get where you are going. Leave them behind when you leave.
When traveling to the future, nothing you wear will be appropriate. Might as well wear a clown suit (But try to dress conservatively anyway).
Always tip the waitress.
Brown cider vinegar makes an excellent mouth wash, and anti-bacterial agent. So does sodium bicarbonate.
Never pick your nose, smack your lips, bite or suck your lower lip, etc. Learn not to bring your odd mannerisms with you when you travel. In fact, never do or say anything to draw attention to yourself.
Make time to do your laundry. Take a bath whenever possible, and when you eat, fill up. It may be a while before your next meal. There is always time for a nap, if you try to make time.
There will never be a bathroom around when you need one.
Stay out of alleys and other dark places. Never go in the woods, and stay out of the river.
Keep your hair short. No mullets.
It is always OK to back out the way you came in, if you see trouble. And doing so might save your neck. Don’t hesitate when it is necessary.
Lying (and acting) are absolutely necessary when time traveling. Lies will save your life. Telling the truth the is best lie of all. Try not to lie when you are home. There is no need to lie to your family or friends. They already know all about you.
Leave ALL of your electronics at home.
Whatever begins, also ends. Time traveling will not change this truth.
It is far easier to not break something, than to go back and try to fix it. For some reason, you can never fix it, no matter how hard you try.
Never whistle or hum when time traveling.
Wearing a wig and makeup never works. Be yourself.
Never forget, you are the biggest anachronism of all.
Never say the phrase “time travel.”
Never drink the local water.
Rememer, there is no time like the Present.
Time spent with a cat is never wasted.
Moments are precious, and never to be repeated. Best not to try to repeat them. Make them memories instead.
Don’t sweat the small stuff. Its all small stuff.
Tell them you love them. Do it often. Make telling them a part of your conversions with them. You never know when you or they might be gone.
No matter how much time you need, it will never be enough.
Think before you leap. Count your stuff first.
– – – – – – – – –
“You look different.”
“What do you mean?”
“I’m not sure. You seem brighter somehow. There is a glow about you. You didn’t have that when I left this morning.”
“I’m the same as when you left. I did have a nap.”
“No. You look the way you used to, after we made love.”
“I do miss that. You never mention it. Sometimes I could just use a hug.”
“But you look different.”
“You said that already. It’s your imagination. Chemo must have been harder this time.”
“You seem happier. Why?”
“Because I love my husband. Take a good look at me. Look me in the eye. You know I’ve never been with anyone, except my husband. Come on the bed next to me, and rest for a while. You need to. I need you to.”
– – – – – – – –
“So, where are you from?”
“Other places. No place important.”
“Somehow, you don’t seem to belong here.”
“Where have I heard that before? Is there anyplace to eat?”
– – – – – – – –
“You will die, you know.”
“I’ve been dying for a long time now. Doesn’t matter. I’ve made peace with Jesus. Have you?”
– – – – – – – –
Well, tomorrow they will hang me. I came into a place where there was a crime. They found me there and blamed me for it. But I am innocent of those things.
So here I sit in a cell. There is no getting out. They took my collector. This trip is not turning out like I thought it would.
I wonder how my family will take this? They will never know what happened to me. There is no way I can get a message to them. Bummer.
What’s this? A portal opened in the wall of my cell? I am not waiting. I hurry through it. It doesn’t matter where it leads. Anywhere is better than here.
I wonder who my benefactor is? How did they know? Thank you, whoever you are!
– – – – – – – – –
February, 2007
Roger: “I brought you here so you could see this. I had to show it to somebody. Thanks for coming, Anna. I appreciate a fellow writer’s perspective.”
Anna: “Well, on the phone you said you had a time travel device. I had to come to see how crazy you really were. I know you’re a good writer, so perhaps there might be something to you, after all. So show me.”
Roger: “This is the portal I am creating on the wall. I use this device to make them. You go through the portal to another time and place. I don’t know where it goes, so I use this camera on a pole, and look at the playback after I pull it out.”
Anna: “Why don’t you just go through and see for yourself?”
Roger: “Because it may not be safe. I just built this, and I am not sure about how well it works, let alone where these portals might lead.”
Anna: “Nonsense. Just go and see. What are you afraid of? Aren’t you curious at all?”
Anna White quicly stepped through the portal. I had no choice but to follow her.
(to be continued)
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