The Mistress of Mayhem Strikes Again
Have I introduced you to my evil twin? I don’t generally like to show her off in public, but today she gets special mention, because she did something very, very naughty. No, not that! *blush* What the little mistress did was this. She called the Apple store this morning, set up a credit account in my name, and ordered a brand spankin’ new graphite iBook. The day after they were announced in Tokyo! She is totally uncontrollable sometimes.
Now me, I’m the practical one. I’m the one who is happy with beige. Nothing too extravagant for me, no sirree! Just a simple little life I lead, connected through thin wires to my friends around the world. Being all grown up hippie chick and spiritual, you know? I’m happy just going to work and then coming home. A simple life is what I lead.
But my evil twin, honestly, sometimes I don’t think there’s a cage strong enough to hold her. She’s the Hannibal Lecter of the computer world, wanting to devour only the finest in hardware. She positively drooled when she saw that graphite beauty on the Apple website this morning. I heard her muttering “have to have it, have to have it.” So the sneaky little, uh, twin called while I was busy with work, posting the payables. I heard her as she flirted with Jim, the order taker at the Apple store. Flirting! Honestly, this girl really gets me into a bundle of trouble sometimes.
“You do understand this is a non-refundable purchase. All sales final?” Jim asked.
“That’s the way I like it, Jim,” my evil twin purred into the phone.
“Would you like to add the extended warranty?”
“Oh my goodness, no. It’s not like it’ll be the first time I’ve ever had my hands on one, if you know what I mean, Jim.”
I saw her write the sales confirmation number down on the Apple credit application, then seal it in the already prepared next day air envelope. Too late now. The deed was done. I grabbed her firmly by the hand and dragged her outside. I thought maybe a cigarette would calm her down. My evil twin has all sorts of nasty, filthy habits.
“Now why, in all the world, if you were going to buy us an iBook, did you have to spend the extra two hundred for graphite?” I asked her. “Like 66mh is going to make that much of a difference in what we do.”
“Because it’s brand spankin’ new,” she replied. “We’ll be the first one’s on the block with it. None of the boys you know have one, they all have girlyman iBooks. Besides, we deserve it.”
“We deserve it? We???? What did WE do to deserve a brand new computer?”
My evil twin puffed away on her smoke and sipped her coffee. There was a twinkle in her eye.
“Honey, you’re way too serious sometimes. Did you forget you just turned 47 and the only things new you’ve ever bought in your life were household appliances? I say, if you’re not living on the edge, you’re taking up too much room. If you don’t start to live now, when are you gonna do it?”
“But, but….” I had no answer for that. When was I going to start living? And I began to warm to the thought of a brand new Macintosh. Sure, I’d have to share it with HER, the Mistress of Mayhem. I have to tremble at the thought of where she might go late at night, when I’m too tired to do serious stuff on the computer. But then, I’d have it at least half of the time, wouldn’t I? Despite her naughtiness, my evil twin does share quite well. Still, I wasn’t letting her off the hook quite that easily.
“You didn’t spend extra for RAM, did you? Because 64mb is plenty for what we do. Or AirPort? We don’t need AirPort. AirPort is frivolous. We can get along without it.”
“Doll, you’ve been ‘getting along without’ all your life. I think what you need is a good dose of ‘getting along with’…surfing from your waterbed, for instance. Besides, surfing from a waterbed sounds so appropo, don’t you think?” My evil twin giggled. “And RAM? Well, you can’t be too rich or have too much RAM.”
Well, I guess there’s no getting around it. I’m getting a new iBook. A brand, spankin’ new graphite fresh off the shelf after the day it was announced iBook.
Now, anyone out there want to help me wrestle my evil twin back into her cage before she realizes just how much credit Apple extended, and she orders a 500mh G4? With a cinema display, and…and…
Lord save me from my evil twin.
Beth Lock
beth@infowest.com
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