The Dry Mac

Hello again, dear Constant Reader. I hope your Halloween was spooky and full of trickery and maybe even a treat or two. Next up, my favorite holiday, “Pig Out Day.” I love turkey but I wish they’d stop showing those turkey farms on TV just before the holiday, don’t you? Don’t get me wrong, it isn’t because I feel bad about seeing the live version of what I’m about to pig out on, and I am not some turkey hugging animal rights freak either. I guess it’s just that I don’t want to be reminded that what I am eating was really that ugly at one time.

Before I disgust you with yet another rhyming diddy of mine, (I hesitate to call them poems.) I have one announcement. If any of you happen to see a URL pointing to a Web page of mine entitled “The Space Funnies,” DON’T bother going there, it has been removed. Apparently I went over my ISP’s free allotment of home page space to its customers, or some such thing and they billed me an extra $5 per month. Five bucks is not a big deal but I hate getting unexpected bills, especially in my e-mail, so I removed it. My other site, “The Macintosh Funnies” is still up and running and going strong. You can find the URL for it at the bottom of this page. And heh, seeing’s how you’re gonna be going to the bottom of the page anyway, you might as well take an extra 45 seconds or so and read what I wrote between here and there. I would like that! My youngest daughter said, “The Dry Mac? That’s a dumb title!” I said, “Cool! I’m a dumb writer.”

The Dry Mac

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The computer you want is a Mac.
Make no mistake about that.
Feel confident to use it in business.
Tell your spouse you want one for Christmas.
Use your Mac at school, or use it at home.
Use your Mac on a plane, or in the King dome.
Use it on the farm to keep track of your hay.
Or use it to save the world, like in Independence Day!
The Macintosh system is second to none.
It’s the one that made computing fun.
Command line computing is a thing of the past.
It’s desktops, trash cans, and menu bars at last.
To use a Mac, you don’t have to be nerdy.
You can be a ditch digger, truck driver, even Moe, Larry, or Curly.
Use your Mac with confidence, use it with pride.
But if you get stuck, just open the Apple Guide.
The Mac OS will take you by the hand.
Show you and guide you until you understand.
Your Mac may freeze, it might even crash.
But don’t get upset, you can fix it in a flash.
But when you restart, don’t say the word boot.
That’s for PC’s, of which we don’t give-a-hoot.
If after a while, you’re still saying, duh?
Just push that little button, the one that says, huh?
There is one thing you must never forget.
Have fun with your Mac, but don’t get it wet.
It’ll do what you want, it’s a precision tool.
As long as you don’t use it in the swimming pool.
When using it, you can feel the awesome power.
But don’t try to use it while taking a shower.
Digital data is what you hath.
But don’t try to use it while taking a bath.
It’s not like a PC, there is no pain.
So easy to use, but keep it out of the rain.
Your son can use it, so can your daughter.
Just make sure they keep it out of the water.
Your Mac will obey you, just like a pet.
But God Almighty, don’t get it wet!!

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Happy Thanksgiving!

In next month’s issue, I will tell you in layman’s terms what really goes
on deep in the bowels of your Mac!